My marriage…With Dr Ernest Nwokolo

What does marriage mean to you?

Marriage is the union of a man and a woman in a covenant that lasts for the duration of their lives. It was instituted and is preserved by God. Marriage is designed to help both individuals within it become better versions of themselves. When two people enter into marriage, the mindset they should have is one of mutual support, working together to fulfil their roles and responsibilities while growing and evolving.

Genesis 2:15 helps explain this concept. God gave Adam a management function, and after creation, He said it was not good for man to be alone. So, God made someone to be a “help meet.” Many people say “helpmate,” but the Bible uses “help meet,” which means “a help that is adequate.”

Do you think this concept of marriage still stands in today’s age?

Yes, it absolutely does. The problem is that most people are looking for spouses who are just like them, who look like them, love what they love, think like them, and so on. But that’s not the divine design. God brings someone different into your life to complement you.

For instance, you might be strong in financial matters, while your spouse may be strong emotionally. You might be outgoing, and your spouse is introverted. That difference is often what first attracts couples to each other. Unfortunately, over time, those same differences can start to seem like problems, when in fact, they were meant to bring balance.

Do you believe that marriages must be “for better, for worse”?

Yes, I strongly believe in the “for better, for worse” commitment. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. A contract says, “If you do this, I will do that.” A covenant says, “I will do this because I made a vow to do it, whether or not you hold up your part.”

Most marriages start off well: the early years are often sweet and pleasant. But challenges will come. When that happens, that’s when the kind of love that brought you together must manifest. Love is both emotional and sacrificial. Chemistry is not everything. The butterflies may not always be there. Look at everything God did; it was rooted in love. Love is God’s language. God loved us and sent His son. When things are good, you give. When things are tough, you still give.

How long have you been married?

I have been married since 1991. That makes it 34 years.

What are some of the virtues that have kept your marriage going for over three decades?

It’s not rocket science. I would say it’s commitment. Each partner must be committed to helping the other person become better. That mutual commitment is the backbone of a lasting marriage.